My daughter is 11. We share many things, but above all we have the same affliction. We are both awesome.
I do occasionally have trouble with her school. I was diagnosed when I was 12, and all throughout my acedemic life there was no clear and consistent answer or treatment for high functioning autism. (There was, but it usually boiled down to hitting me with things.)
Now we have the 'specialist' in the classroom. We have the 'autism school'. Of all of the schools in Fitchburg Massachusetts, one is designated as the 'autism school'. I have no idea how they became the 'autism school'. Perhaps they drew the short straw. I say this because they don't seem to be terribly happy about it.
This year we have had around a dozen phone calls saying "Pick your kid up, she's suspended." She would get suspended for various things. Once she threw shoes at a teacher. Obviously she's not allowed to do that. One time she kicked a kid in the face. That was a two day suspension.
When my wife told me about this one, the first question I asked was "Why did she kick him?" That drove my wife crazy. To her mind there's no reason to ever kick anybody in the face. I came up with two on the spot:
1. The kid was coming at her with a weapon and the kick was both self-defense and amazingly amazing.
2. The kid's face was on fire.
The real reason wasn't nearly as poetic. The kid pissed her off and went and got his face kicked. I explained to my sweet delicate flower that we do not dispense justice that way. We are not Batman.
A couple of months ago, she was suspended for a week. This was a Friday afternoon. We had to pick her up and couldn't bring her back for 5 full days.
Because she was screaming.
That's not what she claimed, that's what the teacher said.
5 days for screaming and only 2 days for kicking a kid in the face? That must have been one ugly kid.
The answer came back "We have a zero tolerance policy."
There it is. Zero Tolerance. I will now explain how 'Zero Tolerance' is a bunch of crap.
Whenever anything happens in society, those in charge have to decide if and when to apply the rule of law, or apply the intent of the law. Perhaps the law should be ignored altogether. This is why a cop generally doesn't ticket you for jaywalking if you're fleeing a building fire. Technically you broke the law, but the cop isn't being a jackass. He's using his JUDGEMENT.
Now if that city had zero tolerance for jaywalking, you'd be screwed.
"But Ian," you say, "Schools have to have zero tolerance for things like drugs and violence" Okay, let's examine that.
You're on your way to school and on the path you spy a ziplock bag with white powder in it. Being the incredibly social-minded person you are, you pocket it. First thing you do is go to the principal's office and hand it to him, explaining that you didn't want anyone else to pick it up, and would he please deal with it as appropriate?
He suspends you for two weeks. You brought drugs into the school, and although your actions were commendable (and you did nothing wrong in his eyes), the school has a ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY.
"But surely the principal would take that into account..." Nope. That would be showing tolerance. It's zero tolerance, baby. Showing tolerance violates the policy.
Zero tolerance is such a cop-out. On the face of it, it demonstrates how seriously the school or workplace takes a certain issue. It sounds good. It feels good. It's the best thing for everybody.
Until it blows up in your face. Until you end up punishing someone for doing nothing wrong in the eyes of society. The only thing a zero tolerance policy achieves is a complete absence of culpability. If you're not ALLOWED to exercise your judgement, you can't possibly get into trouble for making a bad judgement call.
It's the buzzword for those who are too cowardly to make a decision in case it turns out to be wrong. For some reason, being wrong terrifies people. I've made literally thousands of decisions in my life. A good percentage of these were wrong decisions. Does this mean I should stop deciding things? Absolutely not. I am the Arbiter of All Things. It wouldn't look too well if I wussed out.
Against my wife's advice, I vowed to go down to the school on Monday and explain to them that they were wrong, how they were wrong, and how they were going to correct their mistake. I would be civil. I would be polite. I would not kick anybody in the face, but I did reserve the right to want to do that. I would not do that of course. Not unless someone's face was on fire.
Before I got there however, I received a phone call. The assistant principal. She called to apologise. It was her decision to suspend Elise for a week and she admits it was an overreaction. Elise was welcome to come back to school immediately.
Looks like the school showed a little tolerance. Good to hear. It's always a good idea to show some judgement, and it's a bad idea to preach to kids that tolerance is a bad word.
Tolerance is something we should all be striving for. Zero tolerance is an old dog that needs to be put down.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
A letter I wrote to SimplexGrinnell
I used to work for this company, SimplexGrinnell. I was an alarm dispatcher. Basically my job was to call 911 about 40 times a day. It was a job I was very good at, and I was considered to be one of the best dispatchers on my shift.
One day I experienced a good level of 'different treatment'. Based on a comment from my immediate supervisor, I thought it might have something to do with my condition. I alerted the appropriate people within the company. There was an investigation. Then the treatment continued. Then there was a second investigation. I managed to acquire quite a bit of evidence, but my concern was ultimately dismissed as a series of unfortunate miscommunications.
A month later I was fired. Evidently, I was 'too loud' when dispatching on a fire emergency. This sounded to me to be a bit flimsy, but I was assured that it had nothing to do with my complaints of discrimination and everything to do with raising my voice an octave in order to save lives and property.
I may go into more detail in a later post. There are a *lot* of details.
I wrote a few letters to Simplex over the years, trying to gain some insight into their educational practices. You see, I feel that autistic people should be utilised in order to gain maximum benefit from their gifts. Simplex seemed to believe that autistic people needed to be quiet, especially when it came to asserting their basic rights.
To date I have received no response from Simplex, or their parent company Tyco.
Two days ago, I wrote the following letter. This time I sent copies to the EEOC and the White House. Who knows? I may get a response this time.
If anyone does respond, I'll post it here. This is the letter that Simplex received yesterday:
SimplexGrinnell
Human Resources Department
50 Technology Drive
Westminster MA 01441
cc: US EEOC New York Office.
cc: US EEOC Washington DC Headquarters.
cc: The White House.
Dear Simplex,
Recently, the HBO movie Temple Grandin won several awards at this years Emmy Awards. It's no secret that autistic people are here to stay. Not only that, but we have a lot to offer. You like thinking outside the box? That's where we live.
Managers in your departments should be embracing people with these unique gifts rather than turning them away. Not only is it illegal, it's not too smart. Autistic people are gaining momentum. We are contributing to society. We are everywhere.
There will be a point in time when we will not tolerate discrimination, abuse or other forms of hatred.
I urge you, please, educate yourselves on the advantages and unique gifts that autism can bring to your company. Also, please let this knowledge trickle down to all departments. You're missing out on some major opportunities when you turn away a section of the disabled community because of a fear of the unknown.
Autism isn't a dirty word. I should not feel ashamed or nervous when I say it. One day I will be able to say it proudly, but it will take the effort of companies like SimplexGrinnell to take the biggest step. One that reverses direction and moves forward.
Looking forward to joining you in the future,
Martin Ian Taylor
Autistic...and proud of it.
One day I experienced a good level of 'different treatment'. Based on a comment from my immediate supervisor, I thought it might have something to do with my condition. I alerted the appropriate people within the company. There was an investigation. Then the treatment continued. Then there was a second investigation. I managed to acquire quite a bit of evidence, but my concern was ultimately dismissed as a series of unfortunate miscommunications.
A month later I was fired. Evidently, I was 'too loud' when dispatching on a fire emergency. This sounded to me to be a bit flimsy, but I was assured that it had nothing to do with my complaints of discrimination and everything to do with raising my voice an octave in order to save lives and property.
I may go into more detail in a later post. There are a *lot* of details.
I wrote a few letters to Simplex over the years, trying to gain some insight into their educational practices. You see, I feel that autistic people should be utilised in order to gain maximum benefit from their gifts. Simplex seemed to believe that autistic people needed to be quiet, especially when it came to asserting their basic rights.
To date I have received no response from Simplex, or their parent company Tyco.
Two days ago, I wrote the following letter. This time I sent copies to the EEOC and the White House. Who knows? I may get a response this time.
If anyone does respond, I'll post it here. This is the letter that Simplex received yesterday:
SimplexGrinnell
Human Resources Department
50 Technology Drive
Westminster MA 01441
cc: US EEOC New York Office.
cc: US EEOC Washington DC Headquarters.
cc: The White House.
Dear Simplex,
Recently, the HBO movie Temple Grandin won several awards at this years Emmy Awards. It's no secret that autistic people are here to stay. Not only that, but we have a lot to offer. You like thinking outside the box? That's where we live.
Managers in your departments should be embracing people with these unique gifts rather than turning them away. Not only is it illegal, it's not too smart. Autistic people are gaining momentum. We are contributing to society. We are everywhere.
There will be a point in time when we will not tolerate discrimination, abuse or other forms of hatred.
I urge you, please, educate yourselves on the advantages and unique gifts that autism can bring to your company. Also, please let this knowledge trickle down to all departments. You're missing out on some major opportunities when you turn away a section of the disabled community because of a fear of the unknown.
Autism isn't a dirty word. I should not feel ashamed or nervous when I say it. One day I will be able to say it proudly, but it will take the effort of companies like SimplexGrinnell to take the biggest step. One that reverses direction and moves forward.
Looking forward to joining you in the future,
Martin Ian Taylor
Autistic...and proud of it.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
An Open Letter to Everybody: STOP IT!
Dear Everybody,
I know I have these annoying little habits. Stim behaviour such as making little noises or patting my belly to a tune in my head. I know you hate it when I overanalyse everything and apply logic and reason when it's inconvenient.
I'm trying to stop. Really.
But you have to meet me halfway.
Here's a short list of things you have to stop right now. As a show of good faith.
STOP SAYING THESE THINGS
"I have to pee really badly!" - NO! You have to pee "WELL". Peeing badly serves no-one and makes for a messy bathroom. You're an adult. Start peeing like one.
"Bless you" - Said after a sneeze. WHAT? Did you seriously just bless me? Do you really go around blessing people? I would expect this kind of behaviour from the Pope, not from my mostly-atheist buddies. Do you think it's polite? How is it polite to consider that one of my bodily functions need to be blessed? If anything, bless my farts. They are most in need of God's intervention.
"I guess" - This is horribly misused and it needs to stop. If I ask you "Will it rain later?" and you respond with "I guess", that's valid. If I ask you "Did it rain today?" don't answer with "I guess". Appropriate answers are: "Yes", "No", and "I don't know". Stop guessing. It's annoying and it makes you look stupid.
"It's unprofessional" - Probably the most misused word in the American English language. If I were to apply for a bank loan while wearing a singlet, gloves, shorts and steel-toe boots, I would likely be called 'unprofessional'. Someone would actually call me this without knowing my profession. Would this really be unprofessional attire for a BRICKLAYER? Unless you're making a clear determination, taking into account the profession involved, stop saying "Unprofessional". It's unprofessional.
"Thank you for not smoking" - said on signs. I don't smoke. I never have. But thanking me for something I haven't yet done is a bit rude don't you think? Just say "no smoking". I can understand that. We live in a world of linear time. Thanking me for something I have yet to do/not do is not too far from paying me millions of dollars for the NBA career I am yet to have.
"We're going to let you go" - I get fired a lot. (No, really?) I've heard this, or variations of it, all my life on two different continents. Just say "You're fired". Why are you trying to spare my feelings? I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE. You "let go" people that you have imprisoned. If this phrase is the one you feel most comfortable with, maybe we need to check out your basement.
I know I have these annoying little habits. Stim behaviour such as making little noises or patting my belly to a tune in my head. I know you hate it when I overanalyse everything and apply logic and reason when it's inconvenient.
I'm trying to stop. Really.
But you have to meet me halfway.
Here's a short list of things you have to stop right now. As a show of good faith.
STOP SAYING THESE THINGS
"I have to pee really badly!" - NO! You have to pee "WELL". Peeing badly serves no-one and makes for a messy bathroom. You're an adult. Start peeing like one.
"Bless you" - Said after a sneeze. WHAT? Did you seriously just bless me? Do you really go around blessing people? I would expect this kind of behaviour from the Pope, not from my mostly-atheist buddies. Do you think it's polite? How is it polite to consider that one of my bodily functions need to be blessed? If anything, bless my farts. They are most in need of God's intervention.
"I guess" - This is horribly misused and it needs to stop. If I ask you "Will it rain later?" and you respond with "I guess", that's valid. If I ask you "Did it rain today?" don't answer with "I guess". Appropriate answers are: "Yes", "No", and "I don't know". Stop guessing. It's annoying and it makes you look stupid.
"It's unprofessional" - Probably the most misused word in the American English language. If I were to apply for a bank loan while wearing a singlet, gloves, shorts and steel-toe boots, I would likely be called 'unprofessional'. Someone would actually call me this without knowing my profession. Would this really be unprofessional attire for a BRICKLAYER? Unless you're making a clear determination, taking into account the profession involved, stop saying "Unprofessional". It's unprofessional.
"Thank you for not smoking" - said on signs. I don't smoke. I never have. But thanking me for something I haven't yet done is a bit rude don't you think? Just say "no smoking". I can understand that. We live in a world of linear time. Thanking me for something I have yet to do/not do is not too far from paying me millions of dollars for the NBA career I am yet to have.
"We're going to let you go" - I get fired a lot. (No, really?) I've heard this, or variations of it, all my life on two different continents. Just say "You're fired". Why are you trying to spare my feelings? I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE. You "let go" people that you have imprisoned. If this phrase is the one you feel most comfortable with, maybe we need to check out your basement.
Amy Winehouse, William Shakespeare, and me.
Art is a tricky thing. The quote I hear most is; "I may not know much about art, but I know what I like", attributed to James Thurber.
Thurber's quote sums up art for pretty much everybody. It's all about what *you* like. Art should convey emotion, and it's not going to convey it to absolutely everybody.
The story The Emperor's New Clothes doesn't deal with art exactly, but the mob mentality behind trends. I always enjoyed that story, because it told me that the truth was far more important than 'fitting in'.
A few years ago, I was treated to my first song by the British singer Amy Winehouse. I had read and heard all kinds of good things about this Amy Winehouse. I was looking forward to seeing (hearing) what all the fuss was about.
The song was "Rehab". I hated it. I really hated it. I thought it sucked.
I actually found myself thinking that maybe the fault was mine. That I just didn't get it. Maybe I'm too dumb to appreciate this fine piece of vocal dexterity. I just don't understand this sweet soul biscuit of a woman and I'm too stupid to fell her pain.
I listened to a few more of her songs.
Nope, Amy Winehouse sucks.
And then it hit me, so does Shakespeare.
All my life I've felt the same thing about Shakespeare that I felt about Amy Winehouse. Maybe I'm just too dumb to get it. The plays just felt clunky and awful. The words, the characters, the plots...all just plain bad.
Of course, it can't be that. I must be wrong. EVERYBODY loves Shakespeare. Who the Hell am I to call him bad? I just don't understand.
I took another look. I read translations, interpretations, and analysis. I read every single piece of objective information I could find (and believe me, it was hard to come by) and I came to the same conclusion that I had in my youth. The only difference being that I was now comfortable with my dislike. Shakespeare is a hack.
Was Shakespeare good in his time? Maybe. That's the beauty of being me. I don't consider how Shakespeare used to be. I'm judging him now. By today's standards.
You remember how dancing used to be 300 years ago? Probably not, but you may have read about it. Boring, slow and decidedly unsexy. Can you imagine how crowds would react if you tried to pull that kind of crap today?
How about journalism? The way news was given to the masses was completely unprofessional when compared with the standards of today.
Courts? Police? Prisons? Hospitals? Completely unacceptable.
So why hold such reverence for plays that are just as old? It doesn't make logical sense. It's just there to make acting students feel inadequate.
Of course, the best actors in the world are trained in the plays of Shakespeare. That actually does make sense. If you can make that drek even remotely entertaining, you deserve to stand among the world's finest thespians.
One of the rebuttals I get from people usually follows the trend of "You're a writer, aren't you being a bit ridiculous claiming to be better than Shakespeare?" My answer to that is: No, not in the slightest. I would very much like to be remembered for my writing in hundreds of years, but I would be equally horrified to learn that my writing was being used and performed with such ridiculous reverence.
By all means, call Shakespeare a visionary for his time. Call him an amazing talent for his time. Claim that he stands with the giants of his time.
But for the love of all that is literary, leave him in his time.
"But Ian" you say, "Amy Winehouse is in *our* time!"
Yeah but she's a talentless whore.
Thurber's quote sums up art for pretty much everybody. It's all about what *you* like. Art should convey emotion, and it's not going to convey it to absolutely everybody.
The story The Emperor's New Clothes doesn't deal with art exactly, but the mob mentality behind trends. I always enjoyed that story, because it told me that the truth was far more important than 'fitting in'.
A few years ago, I was treated to my first song by the British singer Amy Winehouse. I had read and heard all kinds of good things about this Amy Winehouse. I was looking forward to seeing (hearing) what all the fuss was about.
The song was "Rehab". I hated it. I really hated it. I thought it sucked.
I actually found myself thinking that maybe the fault was mine. That I just didn't get it. Maybe I'm too dumb to appreciate this fine piece of vocal dexterity. I just don't understand this sweet soul biscuit of a woman and I'm too stupid to fell her pain.
I listened to a few more of her songs.
Nope, Amy Winehouse sucks.
And then it hit me, so does Shakespeare.
All my life I've felt the same thing about Shakespeare that I felt about Amy Winehouse. Maybe I'm just too dumb to get it. The plays just felt clunky and awful. The words, the characters, the plots...all just plain bad.
Of course, it can't be that. I must be wrong. EVERYBODY loves Shakespeare. Who the Hell am I to call him bad? I just don't understand.
I took another look. I read translations, interpretations, and analysis. I read every single piece of objective information I could find (and believe me, it was hard to come by) and I came to the same conclusion that I had in my youth. The only difference being that I was now comfortable with my dislike. Shakespeare is a hack.
Was Shakespeare good in his time? Maybe. That's the beauty of being me. I don't consider how Shakespeare used to be. I'm judging him now. By today's standards.
You remember how dancing used to be 300 years ago? Probably not, but you may have read about it. Boring, slow and decidedly unsexy. Can you imagine how crowds would react if you tried to pull that kind of crap today?
How about journalism? The way news was given to the masses was completely unprofessional when compared with the standards of today.
Courts? Police? Prisons? Hospitals? Completely unacceptable.
So why hold such reverence for plays that are just as old? It doesn't make logical sense. It's just there to make acting students feel inadequate.
Of course, the best actors in the world are trained in the plays of Shakespeare. That actually does make sense. If you can make that drek even remotely entertaining, you deserve to stand among the world's finest thespians.
One of the rebuttals I get from people usually follows the trend of "You're a writer, aren't you being a bit ridiculous claiming to be better than Shakespeare?" My answer to that is: No, not in the slightest. I would very much like to be remembered for my writing in hundreds of years, but I would be equally horrified to learn that my writing was being used and performed with such ridiculous reverence.
By all means, call Shakespeare a visionary for his time. Call him an amazing talent for his time. Claim that he stands with the giants of his time.
But for the love of all that is literary, leave him in his time.
"But Ian" you say, "Amy Winehouse is in *our* time!"
Yeah but she's a talentless whore.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
I am not Spock
And my wife is not Doctor McCoy.
However, she does say things like: "Don't you have any feelings, you monster?", and I will reply with something like: "What is the point of becoming agitated?"
I suppose that it's weird for people to fathom, but if you apply logic to almost any emotional state, emotions will lose.
Your kitchen catches fire. You start to panic. Why? What's the point of that? And more importantly, how is it helping? Panicking will not help you remember where the fire extinguisher is, or help you communicate with the 911 operator. So why do it?
One morning, around 4am, my wife Karen woke me up with a scream. Not a regular scream either, but one where you inhale instead of exhale. It was one hell of an alarm. I turned the light on and saw that she was shaking, eyes wide open, blood spurting from the mouth. Turns out she was having a seizure, but she had never had one before. 911 was called. I gave the address, explained what was happening, and went back to Karen's side.
I stayed with her, making sure she was still breathing. When the ambulance came, the EMTs managed to revive her.
Was I panicked? Nope. Pumped with adrenaline, sure, but I was fully in control of my actions and thoughts. I'm told that, given the situation, most people would have panicked. I can't imagine anything more pointless than intentionally making myself useless for a period of time. Probably why I don't drink.
I get happy, angry or sad just like everybody else. I try to not be bored because it seems pointless. Why be bored? It just wastes time and makes you miserable.
This way of thinking extends to things like motion sickness. I really don't see the point of this. If you eat a bad egg, I understand why you need to vomit. If your eyes say you're moving but your ear says you're not, why is the stomach even getting involved? How is vomiting in the car helping anyone?
And what of insults? What's the point of being insulted? If somebody you don't like says something you don't like, why does it matter so much? It takes two parties for an insult to occur. Logically if you don't feel insulted, you're not insulted. Why torture yourself with the opinion of a jerk?
Karen would say "Because we're married, dumbass!"
However, she does say things like: "Don't you have any feelings, you monster?", and I will reply with something like: "What is the point of becoming agitated?"
I suppose that it's weird for people to fathom, but if you apply logic to almost any emotional state, emotions will lose.
Your kitchen catches fire. You start to panic. Why? What's the point of that? And more importantly, how is it helping? Panicking will not help you remember where the fire extinguisher is, or help you communicate with the 911 operator. So why do it?
One morning, around 4am, my wife Karen woke me up with a scream. Not a regular scream either, but one where you inhale instead of exhale. It was one hell of an alarm. I turned the light on and saw that she was shaking, eyes wide open, blood spurting from the mouth. Turns out she was having a seizure, but she had never had one before. 911 was called. I gave the address, explained what was happening, and went back to Karen's side.
I stayed with her, making sure she was still breathing. When the ambulance came, the EMTs managed to revive her.
Was I panicked? Nope. Pumped with adrenaline, sure, but I was fully in control of my actions and thoughts. I'm told that, given the situation, most people would have panicked. I can't imagine anything more pointless than intentionally making myself useless for a period of time. Probably why I don't drink.
I get happy, angry or sad just like everybody else. I try to not be bored because it seems pointless. Why be bored? It just wastes time and makes you miserable.
This way of thinking extends to things like motion sickness. I really don't see the point of this. If you eat a bad egg, I understand why you need to vomit. If your eyes say you're moving but your ear says you're not, why is the stomach even getting involved? How is vomiting in the car helping anyone?
And what of insults? What's the point of being insulted? If somebody you don't like says something you don't like, why does it matter so much? It takes two parties for an insult to occur. Logically if you don't feel insulted, you're not insulted. Why torture yourself with the opinion of a jerk?
Karen would say "Because we're married, dumbass!"
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
The unwritten rules
Boy I like rules.
Not so much "like" as "need". Rules are great, because they inform us of the existence and location of boundaries.
Being gifted as I am, I find boundaries to be a very strange animal. Rules show me where the boundaries are.
For example: I can tell how fast I'm allowed to go on the highway before it becomes a problem. If the speed limit says 55, I can go 55.
This system can, of course, fall down. Let's say I'm going 55 in a 55 zone. I'm good, right? What if it's very rainy that day? What if a cop sees me going 55 in a 55 zone and pulls me over. He informs me that I'm "Driving dangerously". Because I'm stupid, I argue. "I was going 55, fully in control, and not weaving."
Five minutes later, I'm staring at a ticket. All for breaking an unwritten rule.
Of course, there's a law that says the cop can pull me over if he thinks I'm driving dangerously. That's not the rule I'm talking about. I'm talking about the cop's internal rule that says I was driving dangerously.
In my mind, that's absolutely unjust. If you tell me that during the rain I should be driving 45, then say that. If you pull me over and say that, in your educated opinion, I should not drive so fast in the rain, that's fine too.
I shouldn't have to pay a fine because somebody had a different opinion than I did.
(I should add at this point that I have never ever been pulled over for this. The above scenario never happened to me. I suppose it might make a difference to people if they don't think I'm venting about a bad experience.)
Unwritten rules abound in the social arena. Some examples:
"Always tell the truth" - One of my lovely wife's favourite quotes. It's also utter crap. A marriage cannot survive if one half always told the truth. I don't lie about things that matter, but if a day passes where I haven't told six white lies, I probably slept all day.
"I want feedback, good or bad" - Who hasn't heard this from their boss at work? I've been a boss before, and I've always found my job to be a hell of a lot easier if my underlings told me what was on their minds without fear of retribution. However, I have made the mistake of assuming that my own bosses would like the same level of candor. If my bosses had said "I want feedback, but if it's bad I'll deny you a pay increase, promotion, or just fire you outright" that would be okay. I could play by that rule.
"How did I do?" - Anytime you have to evaluate somebody else's performance, there's an unwritten rule that says "This person wants praise, and praise laced with tiny amounts of criticism". People have feelings and feelings can hurt. I get that. What I don't get is when somebody invites criticism and immediately feels like they're being attacked. That's like telling someone to hit you as hard as they can, then complaining that they did just that.
The unwritten rules. They wouldn't be so bad if they were written down somewhere. We can manage that, can't we? Something along the lines of "This page intentionally left blank"? Or a verbal warning (that for some reason is documented on paper). You can still call them Unwritten Rules.
At the very least, please stop getting upset if I break an unwritten rule.
I have a lot more to say about unwritten rules. I promise I will get to all of it. After all, I strive to avoid hypocrisy.
Not so much "like" as "need". Rules are great, because they inform us of the existence and location of boundaries.
Being gifted as I am, I find boundaries to be a very strange animal. Rules show me where the boundaries are.
For example: I can tell how fast I'm allowed to go on the highway before it becomes a problem. If the speed limit says 55, I can go 55.
This system can, of course, fall down. Let's say I'm going 55 in a 55 zone. I'm good, right? What if it's very rainy that day? What if a cop sees me going 55 in a 55 zone and pulls me over. He informs me that I'm "Driving dangerously". Because I'm stupid, I argue. "I was going 55, fully in control, and not weaving."
Five minutes later, I'm staring at a ticket. All for breaking an unwritten rule.
Of course, there's a law that says the cop can pull me over if he thinks I'm driving dangerously. That's not the rule I'm talking about. I'm talking about the cop's internal rule that says I was driving dangerously.
In my mind, that's absolutely unjust. If you tell me that during the rain I should be driving 45, then say that. If you pull me over and say that, in your educated opinion, I should not drive so fast in the rain, that's fine too.
I shouldn't have to pay a fine because somebody had a different opinion than I did.
(I should add at this point that I have never ever been pulled over for this. The above scenario never happened to me. I suppose it might make a difference to people if they don't think I'm venting about a bad experience.)
Unwritten rules abound in the social arena. Some examples:
"Always tell the truth" - One of my lovely wife's favourite quotes. It's also utter crap. A marriage cannot survive if one half always told the truth. I don't lie about things that matter, but if a day passes where I haven't told six white lies, I probably slept all day.
"I want feedback, good or bad" - Who hasn't heard this from their boss at work? I've been a boss before, and I've always found my job to be a hell of a lot easier if my underlings told me what was on their minds without fear of retribution. However, I have made the mistake of assuming that my own bosses would like the same level of candor. If my bosses had said "I want feedback, but if it's bad I'll deny you a pay increase, promotion, or just fire you outright" that would be okay. I could play by that rule.
"How did I do?" - Anytime you have to evaluate somebody else's performance, there's an unwritten rule that says "This person wants praise, and praise laced with tiny amounts of criticism". People have feelings and feelings can hurt. I get that. What I don't get is when somebody invites criticism and immediately feels like they're being attacked. That's like telling someone to hit you as hard as they can, then complaining that they did just that.
The unwritten rules. They wouldn't be so bad if they were written down somewhere. We can manage that, can't we? Something along the lines of "This page intentionally left blank"? Or a verbal warning (that for some reason is documented on paper). You can still call them Unwritten Rules.
At the very least, please stop getting upset if I break an unwritten rule.
I have a lot more to say about unwritten rules. I promise I will get to all of it. After all, I strive to avoid hypocrisy.
Start Here
My name is Ian, and I have autism.
It's really not a big deal. Or rather it *shouldn't* be, but for some reason it is. All my life I've had to answer for the fact that I'm "weird". Personally I never thought "weird" was an issue. Thinking differently is a good thing, right? Outside the box?
Well it's not. In my experience, society would rather that you think, act and speak the same as everybody else. Different is bad. Different is unprofessional.
People are scared of the autistic.
That's what this blog is all about. There's no reason to be scared. There's nothing to fear from people that have brains working differently than yours does. I'll be exploring my experiences (what happens autism and society collide) and showcasing the comedic results.
I will explore the fun side of the autistic mind, and the dark side of society's reaction to it. I want to promote understanding for this "affliction" and make this a better world for the next generation of autistic folks. A generation that includes my daughter.
I want to show you all that autism isn't really all that different.
My name is Ian and autism has me.
It's really not a big deal. Or rather it *shouldn't* be, but for some reason it is. All my life I've had to answer for the fact that I'm "weird". Personally I never thought "weird" was an issue. Thinking differently is a good thing, right? Outside the box?
Well it's not. In my experience, society would rather that you think, act and speak the same as everybody else. Different is bad. Different is unprofessional.
People are scared of the autistic.
That's what this blog is all about. There's no reason to be scared. There's nothing to fear from people that have brains working differently than yours does. I'll be exploring my experiences (what happens autism and society collide) and showcasing the comedic results.
I will explore the fun side of the autistic mind, and the dark side of society's reaction to it. I want to promote understanding for this "affliction" and make this a better world for the next generation of autistic folks. A generation that includes my daughter.
I want to show you all that autism isn't really all that different.
My name is Ian and autism has me.
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