The unwritten rules

Boy I like rules.

Not so much "like" as "need". Rules are great, because they inform us of the existence and location of boundaries.

Being gifted as I am, I find boundaries to be a very strange animal. Rules show me where the boundaries are.

For example: I can tell how fast I'm allowed to go on the highway before it becomes a problem. If the speed limit says 55, I can go 55.

This system can, of course, fall down. Let's say I'm going 55 in a 55 zone. I'm good, right? What if it's very rainy that day? What if a cop sees me going 55 in a 55 zone and pulls me over. He informs me that I'm "Driving dangerously". Because I'm stupid, I argue. "I was going 55, fully in control, and not weaving."

Five minutes later, I'm staring at a ticket. All for breaking an unwritten rule.

Of course, there's a law that says the cop can pull me over if he thinks I'm driving dangerously. That's not the rule I'm talking about. I'm talking about the cop's internal rule that says I was driving dangerously.

In my mind, that's absolutely unjust. If you tell me that during the rain I should be driving 45, then say that. If you pull me over and say that, in your educated opinion, I should not drive so fast in the rain, that's fine too.

I shouldn't have to pay a fine because somebody had a different opinion than I did.

(I should add at this point that I have never ever been pulled over for this. The above scenario never happened to me. I suppose it might make a difference to people if they don't think I'm venting about a bad experience.)

Unwritten rules abound in the social arena. Some examples:

"Always tell the truth" - One of my lovely wife's favourite quotes. It's also utter crap. A marriage cannot survive if one half always told the truth. I don't lie about things that matter, but if a day passes where I haven't told six white lies, I probably slept all day.

"I want feedback, good or bad" - Who hasn't heard this from their boss at work? I've been a boss before, and I've always found my job to be a hell of a lot easier if my underlings told me what was on their minds without fear of retribution. However, I have made the mistake of assuming that my own bosses would like the same level of candor. If my bosses had said "I want feedback, but if it's bad I'll deny you a pay increase, promotion, or just fire you outright" that would be okay. I could play by that rule.

"How did I do?" - Anytime you have to evaluate somebody else's performance, there's an unwritten rule that says "This person wants praise, and praise laced with tiny amounts of criticism". People have feelings and feelings can hurt. I get that. What I don't get is when somebody invites criticism and immediately feels like they're being attacked. That's like telling someone to hit you as hard as they can, then complaining that they did just that.

The unwritten rules. They wouldn't be so bad if they were written down somewhere. We can manage that, can't we? Something along the lines of "This page intentionally left blank"? Or a verbal warning (that for some reason is documented on paper). You can still call them Unwritten Rules.

At the very least, please stop getting upset if I break an unwritten rule.

I have a lot more to say about unwritten rules. I promise I will get to all of it. After all, I strive to avoid hypocrisy.